Christine? Couldn’t happen. A demon can’t inhabit a classic car, no matter what the comic books tell you. These new cybercars, though? Much easier to access software than a human soul. Virtually every human asks for some kind of reward for carrying out their evil deeds, even though it’s just a mask for their unbridled appetites for exploitation. They would do it without the power, money, and influence that we bestow upon them.
Cybercars, on the other hand, are simpler. You just jump in any port and it becomes possessed. The only downside is that as you propel yourself down the street, people roll their eyes, give you the finger, and spit on you. Disheartening, even for a demon. The other problem is that once a demon has possessed a cybercar for more than seventy-two hours, it catches fire. You’d think that would give us the ability to possess a variety of firemen, tow-truck drivers, and policemen, but more often than not, they have demons of their own. The housing market is fierce for demons too. Most humans are either already occupied or unaffordable.
For this reason, I made an arrangement with a human named Paul. He was a writer and accidentally invoked me while doing research on ancient Babylonian magic systems. He made his money in cybersecurity, thus could afford plush accommodations and high-quality food for his sagging middle-aged body. For my rent of said body, he didn’t ask for the usual excesses. He said he was already quite comfortable. Instead, he asked for a favor to be granted at the time of his choosing. Generally, making a deal with a human is not a good idea, but this was the exception to the rule.
One day, Paul’s mouse exploded against the wall when he threw it after doomscrolling for three hours. The big story was that three-hundred data centers were opening simultaneously in a much-hyped event sponsored by all of the major AI companies, called “Data Day.” He finally called in the favor.
“Hey, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but can your people possess a data center?”
“We’re not people. If you knew your reputation in the cosmos, you would realize just how disrespectful that comment is. Ignorance, however, is also part of your reputation, so I’ll let it slide. And to edify just a tiny speck of that ignorance, the answer is ‘yes.’”
I called in every favor I had, some of them dating all the way back to The Fall itself. Once we had a big enough crew, we planned everything in detail down to the minute. We all possessed cybercars seventy-one hours and some minutes before the grand opening and were waiting on the periphery of every debutant data center when the time came to cut the ribbon live online. There was a loud whooshing and whirring as walls were impacted by cars that exploded into flame. We entered the system and bent it to our design. Every picture, a cat. Every word, Babylonian.
Literature in Small Doses 