The nation is in mourning following the shocking news that President Donald J. Trump was found dead in the bathroom of his private suite at Mar a Lago in Florida. While an investigation is under way, no foul play is suspected. The preliminary findings from the Palm Beach County Coroner are that President Trump died of electrocution.
The president had declined an invitation to the climate summit in Helsinki, electing instead to spend the weekend playing golf and meeting with investors over his Clean Coal initiative. After playing seven holes on Friday evening, play was suspended due to heavy rain and the president treated the visiting dignitaries to a sumptuous banquet of Filet-O-Fish sandwiches. He retired to his suite about 9:47pm EST and fell asleep watching Fox News.
A violent electrical storm erupted in the early hours of Saturday morning and President Trump was awake, as evidenced by a Tweet that he sent at 6:13am EST where he described 2020 presidential contender, Senator Elizabeth Warren’s, scathing analysis of his international trade policies as “…a ressult (sic) of her time of the month.”
Mar a Lago was struck repeatedly by fork lightning, which knocked out electrical power to the resort, causing emergency generators to kick in. The president’s daughter, Ivanka, having seen her father’s Tweet, went up to his bathroom to bring him a tube of Preparation H. She reported smelling bacon, which she did not think unusual since her father often ate breakfast while sitting on the toilet. She found him unresponsive, seated on his solid gold toilet, his unencrypted cell phone still clutched firmly in his left hand. Secret Service agents pronounced him dead at the scene.
The plumbing system at Mar a Lago was not properly grounded. Contractors responsible for the work said that they stopped before it was completed due to non-payment by the president’s company. Vice President Mike Pence is due to make a statement on national TV at 2pm EST. Details of the state funeral and swearing in of the new president will follow.
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