There is a peculiar anomaly in the structure of the universe whereby a tract of land that has three sides has the capacity to manifest itself in different dimensions of time and space. Those who dwell in such spaces inevitably become acquainted with their unique properties.
A man named Dan bought a two-story house at the corner of Otis Dr. and Park St. that abutted a small parcel of land next to one of Alameda’s iconic lagoons. Since it had a single park bench, many residents of the area referred to it as a “pocket park.” Being fastidious, Dan interviewed his prospective neighbors before laying down the eye-watering asking price that was commanded. They complained unanimously about the septic stench of the water in the summertime and the endless parade of homeless people who used it as an outdoor hotel room. Dan’s eyebrows furrowed at the news, but from shrewd calculation rather than concern. He used the information to get $10,000 knocked off the price.
One morning, Dan woke up and collected his bills from the mailbox. It was set in the chest-high brick wall that separated his new home from the corner park. He could see that something was laying on top of the park bench. It looked like a rolled-up carpet, but closer inspection revealed it was a human being, wrapped from head to toe in blankets. To his horror, Dan saw three of the black, duck-like birds that inhabited the lagoon tied to a stick under the bench, quite dead.
He grinned to himself. This problem was easily solved. He only had to make a phone call to the Alameda PD. This was an environmental vandal that even the local bleeding hearts could get behind incarcerating.
Dan peered from between the curtains upstairs as the local constabulary pulled up and nudged the mummy-like figure awake. He watched as they unraveled the top layer that obscured the man’s head and was surprised to see that he was wearing an unusual-looking hat with a feather perched on top. Below that he was largely unclothed, but his bronze skin was painted with broad white stripes. Obviously a drug addict who had come from one of those rave parties. Dan was glad to see him get what he had coming.
Dan went outside to help the police with their inquiries. As he passed through his gate, there was a blinding flash so bright that it made his head ache. When he came to, he was surrounded by half-naked people holding sharp staves and peering at him. There was no sign of his house or any other and the lagoon was gone. The people were wearing hats and body paint similar to that sported by the homeless drug addict.
The Ohlone had no idea what to make of the strangely dressed pale man who appeared suddenly in their midst. He was useless at hunting, fishing and gathering oysters, so they gave him what he had coming. He had to sleep outside.
Literature in Small Doses 