“Why? That’s all I want to know. Why?” Earl Hunt, Jr. asked the employees of Hunt Enterprises. They were gathered in a crescent at one end of the large room used for sales meetings. Their eyes betrayed apprehension, but their mouths did not seem entirely committed to the expressions of grave concern that they carried. A young intern raised his hand and Earl nodded for him to speak.
“Why what, sir?” the intern asked.
Earl knotted his eyebrows towards his nose and peered at the intern while clutching his chin; his mouth as taut as an industrial staple.
“What’s your name, son?” Earl drawled menacingly.
“Christopher, sir.”
“Well, ‘Christopher Sir,’ you can go to your locker and grab your shit and keep on going!”
The young man’s mouth moved like that of a goldfish, his upper lip trying to form a ‘w’ to ask why, while his lower lip crumbled under the crushing weight of the injustice he had just endured. He finally got them to work together.
“What did I do?” he stammered at the CEO. “I didn’t do anything!”
Earl growled and narrowed his eyes, veins bulging in his neck, which combined with the flush of rage on his bald head gave him a distinctly phallic appearance.
“Exactly!” Earl spat. “You didn’t do shit! None of you did shit as my family’s name was dishonored and dozens of signs were vandalized here on the property and across town!”
He pointed to the big sales board behind him that bore the company’s logo and name in bold stylized letters, only the first letter had been changed from an ‘H’ to a ‘C,” but professionally rendered so that it was wholly indistinguishable from the original design. Someone made a coughing sound.
“You can’t fire the kid just because he asked you a question,” one of the managers declared. “It ain’t like he had anything to do with…”
“How do you know that, Carl?” Earl cut him off. “The only way you’d know that for sure is if you knew who DID do it. Do you read much, Carl?”
“I like to stay on top of things.”
“Well, y’oughta read your contract. I can get rid of any of you and all of you at will. At will! MY will! You know why? Because that’s MY name on the wall. I’m not just the CEO of this company, I’m a…” And he loudly proclaimed his newly refurbished heritage, exactly as depicted on the sign.
For a microsecond you could hear a pin drop, but then the entire room erupted in laughter. Even Christopher, who had been videotaping on his phone from the doorway. Before the night ended, the entire Internet knew exactly who and what Earl Hunt, jr. was.
Literature in Small Doses 